The Hoodwitch: Weekly Horoscopes 4/12~18/2017

Psychedelic patterns by  Peter Kogler

Psychedelic patterns by Peter Kogler

Written by Jessica Lanyadoo

Witch Tips

Retrogrades can be a boner, but you don’t have to be!

Let’s take a minute to break down Retrogrades: in predictive astrology (aka your horoscope), we’re looking at what the planets moving through the sky are doing. When a planet goes Retrograde, it appears to be moving backwards, and so it Moonwalks over the terrain it just passed through. The math and mechanics aside, what happens during a Rx is that we have the opportunity to review and reassess our attitudes, ideas, and plans. On the 15th Venus finally goes direct, which basically means that it returns to moving forward normally. The good news is that we will no longer get hammered with lessons of what we value, but the bad news is kinda the same. Take a minute at some point over the next few weeks to look back at the themes that were at play in your life between March 4 - April 15th ‘cause mark my words: that stuff matters, and it’ll come back for you (the next one kicks in on October 5th 2018)!

As you probably know, Mercury is Retrograde from April 9th- May3rd. This is a great time for journaling and therapy but not so much for processing your relationship with the bae or for signing contracts. The reason for this is that you’re less likely to understand what the other person is saying or to be properly understood. If you have to do any of that stuff, don’t worry, the world won’t end! Here are three simple Pro Tips to making Mercury Rx work:

1. Be patient

2. Reiterate what you’ve understood in efforts to make sure it’s right

3. Triple check documents

If your phone or computer breaks down during this period, you’re dealing with some of the inevitable irritations of the transit. Refer to Pro Tip #1, and move along, lover.


This week will start off with a bang as Uranus sits on top of the Sun from the 12th-14th. Expect to feel irritable, inspired, and ready for change. If you’ve been keeping secrets, they may just get a spectacular reveal, so be careful of what you say around these days. Uranus wants you to grow beyond your limitations, and the Sun just wants recognition. You may have to be prepared to do what’s right for you, other people’s judgments be damned. Uranus comes with the potential to help break you free, so don’t hold back! Be prepared, though: this transit paired with the Mercury Rx may have you feeling extra jumpy and anxious. Grab your lavender to calm your nervous system, and whatever grounding stone you vibe with. This week I’m all about the Black Tourmaline (my go-to fav), as it’s an excellent tool for grounding and getting rid of psychic crud. Meditate, listen to death metal, or take extra naps – whatever it takes to clear the mental clutter and get to the good stuff.





March 21-April 19

If you can manage your impulses at the start of the week, you can make some meaningful changes to the stuck parts of your life, Aries. It’s tempting to decide that your life can only be variations of how it’s always been, but luckily it’s not so! If you’re willing to look beyond your fears and assumptions, you’ll find that there are lots of options you haven’t even considered. Explore, innovate, and experiment without making any hard decision.



April 20-May 20

If you feel restless at the start of the week, don’t freak out – it’s your chance to heed the call. You're not in control, and TBH, you’re not supposed to be. Reflect on the motives that you followed through on, that brought you to this place. You don’t have to follow your fears while you seek to maintain your security, Taurus. Take inspired risks to create the conditions that feed your soul, even if they require a passage into discomfort. Knowing the answers does not absolve you of the process, my love.



May 21-June 21

Its easy to chat with people, but it’s a whole other thing to show up and be real with them. You need help; whether you need a hand, some TLC, or just someone to listen to your craziest ideas, asking people to be there for you when you need it is vulnerable. Take the risk of being let down over the safe route of living in your own head, Twin Star. This week, you’ll get further by sharing yourself with others, and letting them into your world.




June 22-July 22

Sometimes it’s easy to take on other people’s feels without even realizing it, but it’s never a good idea. Be on the lookout for themes of co-dependency this week, Moonchild. The good news is that you’ll have the chance to practice being more embodied and independent, but the bad news is that you have to be, or you’ll feel hecka off. Investigate interpersonal dynamics without obsessing on what others are thinking or feeling. Let your healthy boundaries reveal the true state of your relationships.



July 23-Aug. 22

No matter how itchy you are to get things moving, this week the best action for you is internal. The people around you need a chance to catch up, so even if you feel like you’re moving slowly, take a moment to pause and consider how your actions are impacting those around you. Analysis without heart is just hot air; investment without vision is just spinning your wheels. Get embodied with your desires for yourself, and watch things start to shift around you, Leo.



Aug. 23-Sept. 22

When you give too much attention to a thing it gets harder to see it clearly. It’s like standing too close to a painting; you lose sight of what the whole piece is about because you can only see the brush strokes. Take a step back, Virgo. allow yourself to be uncomfortable with what you don’t know so that you can make connections based on what you do. This week can bring you some long-awaited answers, but you need to be receptive in order to hear them.



Sept. 23-Oct. 22

Stress and fear have their roles to play in life; having good instincts about dangers can keep you safe and wisely direct your actions. That said, there’s only so far that your stresses can take you, Libra. Obsessing on potential consequences can be way worse than actually dealing with them. This week it’s time to make a call: either heed your fears or let them go. You’re ready to make a call, and it doesn’t have to be perfect. Have confidence in your ability to cope with the consequences, whatever they may be.



Oct. 23-Nov. 21

This week is a good time to take a break. If you can carve out some time for yourself to recline into retrospection, you’ll be so much better for it. If your plans have been reactionary, you’re unlikely to be happy with the results of them, even if they’re technically successful. Lay foundations that are inspired by deep truths instead of habit or convenience, Scorpio. You’re on the road to a deeper sense of happiness, but it will only be achieved with caring consideration.



Nov. 22-Dec. 21

FOMOS is no joke; that persistent feeling that you’re missing out can make it really hard to settle on a choice, even when you totally know what you want. This week your what-ifs are colliding with your actual potential, and it can go either way. You can (theoretically) have it all, but you probably can’t have it all, all at once. Align yourself with what’s best for you right now, and don’t worry, it doesn’t have to mean that you’ll never get all the other things that you want, Puppy.



Dec. 22-Jan. 19

Being helpful is kinda your jam, but that doesn’t mean that people always want your particular brand of tough-love assistance. More than that, once you’ve offered a hand, the receiver of it is not obliged to agree with your prescription for betterment, Cappy. Stop trying to support people that aren’t asking for it; if you can accept that everyone is different, it’s much easier to let others grow at their own pace. Once that’s settled, you can stop avoiding your own feelings and tend to your happiness for a while.



Jan. 20-Feb. 18

The thing about what’s technically true with you, is that you are not a technical being; you’re an emo creature, and emotions have a funny way of slowing things down. It’s time to take a step back, my love. While you can theoretically handle the events of your life just fine, this week your tender heart could use some space to work through your feels. You’re not running out of time, and there’s nowhere you have to be that will be improved by you getting there out of whack.



Feb. 19-March 20

It’s all a matter of perspective really; what you think of now as an ending, you may one day perceive as a beginning. Instead of lamenting what is, look for the positive potential in what you’re being called to do, Pisces. This week you get to let go of something that’s been weighing you down, and this is a very good thing. Don’t waste your energy worrying about what comes next when you can simply create it. Be the change you wish to see in your life.